Thank you, Mum. I love you

Most people will experience the death of a parent at some point in their life; one of the most common forms of bereavement there is.

Yet when it is your parent who dies, you realize not how common your experience is, but how unique.

Some of you may know, though many of you wouldn’t, that my mum passed away recently after a 5-year battle with Breast Cancer.

She was only 48 at the time and I lost her much sooner than we were expecting to.

Breast Cancer is a complicated form of cancer that has no known cause and no cure.

I knew a week before she died that she wasn’t going to last much longer and tried to get myself prepared for the inevitable. Many people criticized me for losing hope when I mentioned that my mum was in the last stages of her cancer but I am too practical to kid myself that a miracle was going to swoop in and save her at the last minute.

She was very sick and she was dying and I had to accept it. It’s strange but the physical loss was not nearly as hard as the five years proceeding it that we lost her bit by bit every day.

The old, sick mum in the hospital bed was not the jolly, mum that I had for a good, happy childhood and the years as I branched into adulthood. I lost that mum five years ago with the diagnosis and subsequent sickness and I have been mourning ever since.

I haven’t written anything about her struggle on the website before now because I just wasn’t really comfortable sharing it with everyone. I knew she wouldn’t appreciate an internet wide pity party so I kept things to myself. I feel more comfortable sharing things now since I’m talking about my experience more than hers.

Every time I thought about the stress I was experiencing, and complained to myself, I immediately felt incredibly guilty. How could I complain when mum was going through so much?

Guilt became a big part of my life. Why did mum have the cancer, not me? How could I be so petty as to complain about anything?

Mum’s cancer brought us much closer together. Mum was never one to dwell on her illness or what it was doing to her

I realized how much I’d taken it for granted that she’d always be there, just being my mum. And once I knew that, the months of treatment that followed nearly broke my heart.

Sometimes, I do get annoyed when people assume that mum’s cancer has had no effect on me at all. I know how much mum suffered, but it hurt me, too. That’s what I sometimes wish people would realize. I was inspired by her courage, and the spirit with which she faces her challenges.

Mum never led me to believe that there were limits to what I could achieve. I set my goals high as I grew up believing anything was possible. Reality was a bit of a let down a few times but I’m so thankful she gave me those years to dream as high as I wanted.

I’ve lost a lot of my youth, and missed a few teen age experiences because of our family’s journey through the cancer maze. But anything I’ve lost can’t come close to matching the degree of mum’s losses. I’m simply thankful to have her

I can’t possibly sum up everything she gave me in our 23 years together and I’m not even trying.

I’m just so thankful for the years we had together and the caring relationship we always shared despite any minor disagreements we had. Friction in our lives always came about because we are so similar and I’m very proud to carry those parts of her as a part of me.

Although I’ll miss her terribly, I’ll take all that she has taught me to help me be strong now and in the years ahead. She don’t have to worry that she has left her job unfinished because mum equipped me well to take on anything that comes my way.

Thank you, Mum. I love you …. CANCER, Educate yourself