As you all frequent visitors visiting my blog might know, I’m currently on industrial work attachment.
The job requires me to be independently abled to work on my own. Talking while working is discouraged there as it might affect the productivity at my workplace … what the fcuk!
So for 9 straight hours I’ll be left alone .. all alone. In a way its good as it gives me time to think and ponder over things and issues in my life.
Below are some of my major thoughts on my mind lately
Uni or .. bust
The other day an old friend called me, we talked and catchup on the phone and he mention hes going to local university soon, he was accepted into Arts faculty .. so the moral of the story u might ask? .. well ill explain soon
Then one of my online friend told me she’s goin in too .. Well its just that though I’m happy for them but i cant help it but feel envious of them.
Both are right out of NS & JC, so youth is on their side but alas me, i took the long path (Sec5 normal technical stream, ITE 2 years, NS 2.5 years , Poly now) as i didn’t quite have the right motivating factor to excel in studies.
I’m 24 going on 25 now. I’m not grumbling but I’m stating the fact, you need a conducive & encouraging environment to get inspired and have role models.
I only realize my potential after the family moved from my old danky home years back to a bright environment where I’m surrounded by good students and friends where before hand i was astray & got into trouble lots of times
I’ve always wanted and dreamed to go to Uni and that dream is and kinda on the brink of being unfulfilled. . After my diploma and if i were successfully accepted into Uni .. I’ll most likely 29 when i graduated (if nothing goes wrong).
The thing is I cant be selfish .. my dad is getting old and the household needs income. Well i just dunno .. friends advise me to take part-time degree while working but I’ve heard stories of people succumbing to withdrawing from part-time Uni as their workload is messing with their studies .. sigh
I dunno now lah, I’ve to wait and see my result and if fortune is shining on me at the end of my diploma .. my path now are going to Uni, NIE or working outside .. in order of my preference. My dad has been grumbling recently about retrenchment news at his company again.
Most of the time I’ll just keep quiet as he needs someone to hear his rants. I’m ok with that, it seems to make him happy after slogging hard at work the whole day.
Also recently i just applied to 2 local financial bursary. I do hope to get it .. it will help the household.
49s or .. bust
Training wise my form has been irregular. Always a waveform of ups and down. I’m the person who need someone to supervise and push me. I was losing hope … and grasp on my dream is slipping.
Luckily WL came back. I talked to him and he sensed it. So i hope to be back on track. WINGS meet is coming up, so I’m not expecting good times as my form isn’t what i expected it to be during this period of time.
So Carine if you see this i hope you’ll understand. There’s no other person i can rely most other than WL.
I apologise as he has to share his only free time with us but again hope you’ll understand. We shall not fail & i hope our future performance will make him and you proud
Love or .. bust
I’m pretty sad now and disappointed with someone. I met someone i liked and when i thought everything was going smooth out of nowhere suddenly the cold treatment
I dunno what happened. She told me some “info” about me changed her view of me. She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me what is it.
I’m clueless with her sudden change of mood
This pisses me off and when i tried asking her close friend i got reprimanded. I’m no stalker and if she wishes to be left alone, I’ll respect that. I know my conscience is clear and have been true to my ethics and myself.
Never was i out of line and if i did i apologised in hand
Did i embarrassed her with my presence when i met her friends? Did i spoke the wrong words?
Did that, did this .. I’ve been wracking my brain what could it be.
Also i got this no so nice queasy stomach feeling the whole time. This really spoiled my mood and my sleep pattern ever since I don’t deserve this.
Does she think toying with my emotion is fun … is the whole thing a cruel joke? … or is there truth to what she claims .. hmmzz, sianz
I wasnt given the chance to clarify or defend myself. I feel as though i was judged, sentenced and executed acrimoniously all in one go.
I’m still in dark and will stay that way unless she tells me whats the “real deal”
Summary or .. bust
Ahhh .. I’m feeling better now .. after writing this. Today, no more of the usual pictures, songs, etc .. I’m in no mood .. sigh, gotta rid of this queasy feeling or i can’t focus
