So here I am again, typing my second (and also, my last) entry as a Guest Blogger on our good ol’ Uncle Sha’s blog. Bugger has been breaking his hiatus promise I see, blogging thrice on Monday and also commenting everywhere on the blogosphere.
Dey! Study lah! One more time I see you blog so much I delete your blog then you know. You worked so hard (and so LONG) for this stupid paper ok? All your hard work throughout the many many years boils down to this day so don’t screw it up! :D
So anyway, I’ve been trying to do a long proper entry, with research and the works to produce good articles like what some of the other guest bloggers have done, but I guess time didn’t allow for it :/
Too busy enjoying life lah! Hehe. Added on to that, I just don’t feel comfortable with blog entries like that. Perhaps I can say I fit into Yanni’s description of a rambling blog – I just ramble on and one about everything and anything in the world :P
The topic that I’ve decided to highlight today is with regards to my latest brush with one of the many cons of making ‘friends’ online. Beforehand, I would like to emphasize that even though I am writing out of experience, I will not be mentioning any names to protect the identities of those involved.
My intention afterall is neither to diss nor provoke, but rather, to share my experiences, hoping that all of us can somehow gain through it :)
Oh and by the way, before we begin, let me just note here that the pictures in this entry are totally irrelevant to the story. I just feel naked without any pictures covering my body of words hahaha. (Also, all pictures are copyrighted by fingersdontfing.com)
Ever since back then during the stone ages where MIRC was rampant and people were slapping one another using large trouts, I have been making friends online like I have mentioned in my previous entry.
Some lasted for an hour, others a day, a handful for a week, and a few rare gems stayed on for years (up till today in fact). For example, it was through MIRC that I managed to first start a new journey as friends with people like Aziz, Shikin and Yat.
Most of my long term MIRC friends I have met up with, and it is only a startling few which have yet to cross over into the realms of my real life. This could be due to pure unfortunate coincidences where we never seem to find the right time throughout the 3 years or so to meet up proper, or it could be just that we’ve grown so close online that we’re afraid to venture out of the computer screen and discover how the other person is like face to face.
It is, afterall, disheartening, if said chat buddy seems so much fun from the other end of Singapore, but when she’s right there standing in front of you, things seem to differ. Again, we see here that the whole ‘judgemental’ thing comes into play.
So anyway, I do have such a ‘friend’ who fits into the above category. We’ve known each other online since way back when I was still wearing knee length (uniform) skirts, my hair looking like it has been electrocuted and whatnot.
Since we first chatted on MIRC, we periodically progressed to being MSN kakis, and later on exchanged handphone numbers and whatnot, therefore allowing some ‘real’ contact. We shared secrets, lent each other (virtual) shoulders to cry on and in some way, she played quite a significant role in my life journey.
Around 2 months back, said friend smsed me, asking for a favour. Apparently, she’s no longer schooling, unemployed at that moment, and was tight on her finances. Naturally, the next question posed to me was whether I could lend her $50 to tide her for the next 2 weeks before her pay for her last job comes in.
Although I have never met her for the past 3 years we’ve been friends, I felt that I could trust her as even without her physical presence, I already felt that she was much ‘closer’ to me then some of my real life friends.
Without any hesistation, I went to the nearest POSB atm, and within seconds and many button punches later, the money was wired to her on the very same day her request came in.
Finally, the dateline of the repayment came. I texted her, and in reply, she asked for an extension to be given due to some miscommunications with her previous employer (which in turn, postponed her wages).
Since I was still employed at that time and I had sufficient balances in my bank account back then, I granted her that favour, stressing that she inform me when her pay comes in and to make a payment pronto.
A month passed, and still silence. I stopped seeing her on MSN, and my smses were as if I just threw 5 cents in the drain – I never got any replies. I was suspicious, yes, but I gave her the benefit of doubt. Afterall, we’ve been buddies for 3 years, that would account for something wouldn’t it? Surely she wouldn’t ‘throw what we had’ for $50?
2 months after that trip to the ATM came and when, I was somewhat resigned that my money has disappeared, along with someone I geniunely care about. I know to most of you $50 is nothing, that I should just write it off, but for me it was more of the disappointment of her avoiding me.
I confirmed with a mutual friend that she did block me on MSN (“Eh, is xxx online?” “Yeah, but she’s on away.” “Oh, but she’s offline to me. Damnit, so she did block me!”), and she too replied to smses from another friend, which confirms that she did receive my smses but chose not to reply to it.
A few days back, I had the opportunity of stumbling onto her at an MRT station. I was going up the escalator whilst she was going down. Our eyes met for an instant, but I did not know whether she registered that it was me. Nevertheless, seeing she had no reaction upon seeing me, I raced up the steps and then back down again, tapping her and calling her name.
She turned, looked at me, and said “Faddy…“, which proved that she did recognize me. I asked her about the money, and her only answer was that she did reply my emails, was not trying to avoid me, and that she would pay by the end of this week. Afterwhich, we said awkward goodbyes and she went off her own way and I went mine.
I hope for her own sake that she will keep to the word she has given me. Sure, at this point of time in my life where I am unemployed (hahaha) and my account is fast depleting, that small amount would mean much to me, but I think the most important part is that I would really want her to stop avoiding me. 3 years, is afterall, a long time, yes?
But what I’ve learned from this, is to never trust anyone you meet online fully, no matter how well you THINK you know the person. I guess it’s better to be safe then sorry :)
HAHA. I did warn you beforehand that my entries are the rambling kind. These fingers just can’t stop once they started! Well, that’s it I guess :) It’s been nice being an invited guest, but the stress takes it toll as I feel like I need to write something damn well (not sure if I succeeded wakakka). Ok toooodlesss. Back to home sweet home!
P/s. For those who might be curious, above pictures were taken either using my Sony Ericsson k750i, Canon Powershot S3 IS or the Lomo Fisheye :)
bagos jgak eh aku amek gambar.. wahahahah… i love the composition of the first photo.. like not only it shows the reflection, but it’s somehow like symmetrical like tt.. N i love your camera, i feel like kidnapping it, can i.
and the story, truly memahami. Sumtimes ppl take ppl for granted. For me, aku very soft-hearted and sympathetic. And I’ll just wait for their guilt conscience to tell them to pay me back. And trust me, it was more than a 50. Sometimes aku pon tak tau wats with me, like Im not fucken rich, but i still fucken help. I suck.
from there, you can analyse which friends are worth to keep. if only she has the initiative and maturity to explain to you.. but she even blocked you in msn! that’s so ridiculous of her, for just $50.
its more than money to me. its about how you keep your promises, how you value my friendship. a lesson for you to learn though. only help those who deserve it.
anyway, if she still didnt return the money by this weekend, just ignore her. dont bother smiling at her when you see her outside. or maybe you can text her “how pathetic you can be for just $50! thank you for breaking your promises again, you even blocked me in msn. well, treat it like i donate that $50 to you dear beggar..” hahahah, eh takmu test dia gitu.. nanti gado.. :)
You really have taught us a lesson or two in today’s entry:
1) never trust anyone you meet online fully, no matter how well you THINK you know the person;
2) never lend cash to anyone that u have not met after so long.
You’re actually kind at heart based on the fact that you helped that person based on a true friendship even though you’ve not met her for about 3 years. But I don’t think you should transfer her the $50 in the first place. Here are the reasons why…
These are the things I would do if I were you:
a) I will not accept any favour by sms/telex/email/telegram/pigeons/paper aeroplanes/any another stupid ways (especially with regards to money matters). I will only consider if that fellow meet me in person OR/AND call me by telephone personally;
b) I will emphasis that he/she pays the debt on time, reciting the need to use that money urgently on the supposedly repayment day for some important matter (maybe u can lie on this, lah. hehe);
c) I will re-think again: why is he/she looking for me only when he/she is in need of cash, and after 3 years? WTF??!! Is he/she making use of me?
Different people have different way of doing things, lah. The term “friendship” can be deceiving, but yet can be fulfilling at times. It’s how you handle this matter in a very appropriate and matured way.
I applaud you for your sincerity and kindness, but i felt for you when things didn’t seem to be what you want it to be.
Stay cool, sista~
Once burnt twice shy?
Hmm I guess you won’t be borrowing $ anytime soon to any online person hur … not even me? I need $ to pay for my dentures, any sponsors? haha. Yeah don’t trust me, I might kidnap you and sell you to bangla bandits!
No need research lah, for me when blogging, hentam ajer tulis. Kalau the facts are wrong, just feign ignorance or blur sotong. Hahaha
Well to me, if i lend someone $ to unknown, I’ll expect it returned but if it’s family or close friends, I don’t really mind if they don’t return it.
Sedekah kan lah. I think I’ve this trait where I followed my arwah ibu I. I think I’m too nice of a person at times & I’ve been taken advantage many a times la, haha. So my future gadis must handle my finance!
I love the photos, I like the unrelated photo of the burung penyet tu, fireworks bang bang, esplanade durian, etc. Eh semua pics unrelated to your topic lei, haha. So when doing ur GP, did you add such unrelated photos too?
Ok i promise not to blog nor to tag anymore! yesh! This I promise you :-p
Good entry Faddy!
regards
your pakcik!
Aisha(r.a) recounted that someone had presented the gift of a lamb to the Messenger of Allah(s.a.w). He distributed the meat. Aisha(r.a) said, “Only the neck is left for us.”
The Prophet(pbuh) replied, “No. All of it is left for us except the neck.”
Truth of the matter is, we, as muslims and human beings should understand that what we truly keep, is what we give away as sedekah.
Be it money, favours or even words, the best of what we can possibly receive in this world is what we give away. And the best of what we can give away, are the things that we give expecting no return for them.
It’s natural to expect your money returned when you’ve lent it, but the best trick to avoid such disappointment is probably to just never expect the repayment to begin with.
As uncle sha nicely put it, “Sedekah kan lah.”
Thing to remember is of course to never give too much till it hurts. Be generous. Just not too generous.
Rasulullah once said, “Paradise is the home of the generous.”
As for your friend, I think she needs to learn a thing or two about manners. It’s rather rude and uncomely to simply disappear intending to leave your debt behind like that. And worse still, lose a friend just because you owe money that you’ve promised to pay back. Least she could have done was just to tell you the truth instead of blocking and ignoring you and such.
It’s really sad when someone you’ve shared so much with does that to you.
Kudos to you faddy for not going all “I HATE YOU” and “I WANNA KILL YOU” on her. Patience truly is a virtue in a woman. hehe.
K…Before I start rambling more nonsense, I shall sign off.
Poodles~!! :D
wow!! Yup its true! NVR borrow money to online frens unless u meet up all den apa2 ke.. den ok la.. bt still 50 bucks is a big money for me!50 bucks its lyk me almost 2 wks duit mkn!! wow!
Well done Faddy! It’s a well-written entry I should say. I’m having this situation too. Most of friends are working but only me struggling here in Uni. I still have friends who still owed me and they’re my close friends. I guess if your friends did this to you then precisely you can’t trust people whom u met through online too. That’s life. We always take it for granted. When someone has given you the trust but you don’t know how to utilise it in the right manner. Alright, continue writing Faddy.
Trust is something that you need to take so much time to build but it will only take split second to destroy it.. Hmm..
faddy u gt talent
i agree wit u
online fgren tk leh trust, wots worst is e frens we KNW in e REAL wrld, LAGIK tk leh TRUST..
great entry FADDY, tats wots makes u UNIQUE is tat u do RAMBLING entries….heh :P
ouh!! u hav talents of a great photographer!!!!
I never really trust people with money. Not even a relative.
I disagree. I lend money to people I barely know.
I’ve been stiffed. I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends. Every Day Is New. Rise Up. We live in a fairly messed up time and this blogosphere is just an ocean of money we can all gather around. I’ve got a big smile on my face and you’re a thousand miles away and I’ll never know you. Speak your truth. Buy your Ferrari. Do whatever you want. But what you have is power. Why not use it to make money and give it away. Who is out there listening really? What are we doing? Steer the money wherever you want it to go. You people are the smartest around and you know it. Be Smart.
Blogger-Rising.Blogspot.Com
to me, just treat it like some sort of donation… then you will feel so much better… to me, i dont donate to people i dont know.. i dont even donate to those i often close too…
wahahahahhahahahahah…
because i am very the kedekut when it comes to donating money… i dont do donation that very much… :)
I have friends like this. I do initiate meet-ups, though most of the time they reject. When it comes to money, I’m very wary, I gave but after awhile, I’ll just voice out my unhappiness, but not in an aggressive manner. Just show them your concern, up to them whether to reciprocate or not, cos sooner or later, they’ll realise that they’ll need you badly again. At this stage, I can be a mean devil or another caring angel. By then, it depends on how sincere they sound, and how much they’ve done for me to regain my trust in them.