Malay Wedding

Last weekend another of my junior got married.

Well I attended it and I’m all genuinely happy for my friend, but I reckon every single person frustrated in love who attends such an event will likely to have this single thought on their mind.

Me, still single and looking, wondering, “When is it going to be my turn … Oh mak kahwin kah lah aku”

Hahaha, as pathetic as it sound, it’s sadly true … well alright enough of the banter, the blog topic for today is not about me, but of the colorful Malay Wedding.

Anyone out there who is not a Malay and is getting hitched with someone who is, well these are the activities which precede the actual Malay wedding ceremony.

It’s more of less of my observation over the years and online stuff I found. So if I left out anything or got it wrong, do revert back to me aite:

The Mirisik

1. This step is usually given a miss by current generation of youngster. They already have a partner in mind, and such match making is no longer applicable in such times.
2. Investigation or spying by groom family member visiting the potential bride.
3. A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed.
4. The girl’s parents may also give the visitors some idea as to whether or not their daughter will be interested in the match.
5. The merisik does not constitute a formal proposal.

Pertunangan

Pertunangan

1. The engagement or approach to formalise the arrangement (meminang).
2. This betrothal is the pre-wedding meeting between the bride’s and the groom’s parents
3. Determine the dowry that is to be given to the bride as well as the date of the solemnization.
4. This may be as early as a year before the wedding itself so that arrangements could be made in advance.
5. Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (Meminang) take place.
6. Representatives from the young man’s side once again visit the house of the young woman, following the confirmation of a date and time for such a visit.
7. On the side of the potential bride, a consensus is obtained regarding the following:

   (a) The date and time for the Meminang ceremony.

   (b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses (Wang belanja).

   (c) Details regarding the gift (Hantaran) items.

   (d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.

Akad Nikah

Nikah

1. Akad Nikah is an Islamic ceremony without which no marriage is valid.
2. Marriage contract where the solmnization is normally presided by a kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court.
3. Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained
4. Groom agrees to provide the bride with a mas kahwin.
5. A small sum of money called the mas kahwin seals the contract.
6. The amount of the mas kahwin is usually fixed, but a potential bridegroom may give any amount above the official figure.
7. The akad nikah ceremony is in effect a verbal contract between the bride’s father or his representative (in this case the kadhi) and the groom.
8. In a brief sermon given by the officials, the bridegroom and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities as a married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective.
9. There must be two official witnesses at the Akad Nikah.
10. A marriage certificate will be issued by the kadhi or State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony,
11. This is to be signed by the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

Adat Berinai

Berinai

1. The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding.
2. The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each other.
3. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing and protection from evil or malicious influences.
4. The bride’s palms and feet are ‘decorated’ with the dye from the henna leaves.
5. The bride’s hair is also trimmed or her eyebrows shaped by a beautician known as the mak andam.
6. Berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:

   (a) Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad nikah) with the participation of close relatives and friends only.

   (b) Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the participation of family members, neighbors and close friends.

   (c) Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad Nikah).

Bersanding

Bersanding

1. Wedded couple as “Raja Sehari” (Royals for the Day) and they are treated as such, like the use of yellow, for decorations and attires, which is the color associated only with royalties.
2. To show the married couple first hand in person, to all the relatives, friends and guests and to allow them to get to know the couple.
3. The public will witness that the two have now tied the knot and are now husband and wife.
4. Guests to view the bridal chamber and the bersanding (sitting in state) ceremony often held in the pengantin’s (bride/groom) home.
5. During the bersanding ceremony, the bridal couple will be seated on the dais.
6. Known as the Pelamin, this couch is the centrepiece of the whole ceremony, and two pelamins are required.
7. The arrival of the groom is heralded by the hadrah troupe.
8. This group, of mostly teenagers, will beat the kompang (hand drums) and sing Quranic verses and good wishes.
9. The groom is often flanked by bunga manggar (palm blossoms) carriers and a busload of relatives and friends.
10. The arriving party take their seats in a special area of the house for the martial arts (pencak silat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying respects to the bridegroom as the king for the day.
11. The mak andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride’s family will waylay the groom and ask for an ‘entrance fee’.
12. Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
13. After successfully overcoming the ‘obstacles’, the ceremony takes place.
14. Then both the bride and the bridegroom are invited for the bersanding ceremony.
15. The bersanding publicly ratifies the union, with the male on the right of the female on the dais.
16. And standing besides both couple will be their bestman and bridesmaid, who constantly fans the sometimes blushing couple with the traditional Malay hand fan
17. The first person invited to start the blessing ceremony will be the most important guest, a VIP, or the groom’s father.
18. Relatives will sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the ‘throne’.
19. Sprinkled with yellow rice and scented water by family members, relatives and guests as a sign of blessing.
20. Each guest will receive a bunga telur, which means ‘flower’ and ‘egg’, which is a symbol of a fertile union.

After bersanding ceremony

Makan Beradab

1. This is followed by feasting and merry-making, called the kenduri, to which guests will be invited.
2. Wedded couple and their guests will attend a celebratory feast called the makan beradab.
3. This involves the bride and groom feeding each other sweetened rice.
4. Further activities including light entertainment or joget dance sessions may take place in the evening to conclude the Malay wedding
5. Sometimes this is followed by the tukar pakaian (costume changes) and the bride and, less often, the groom will don different clothes for photography.
6. The pelamin (raised dais) will be beautifully decorated for the purpose.
7. The celebrations are later concluded with poses for family photos.
8. The wedding celebrations come to an end when the bridal pair returns home to the bride’s house to pay respects to her family.
9. Guests come and go, bringing their gifts and presents for the bridal couple.
10. Cash monies are either given in envelopes passed to the hosts during the shaking of the hands when leaving.
11. The groom’s family and delegation will leave after having eaten and feasted, and they will bring back with them the items exchanged for the hantaran, comprising mostly cakes, fruits, and other consumables.
12. The groom, of course, will be left to stay the night at the bride’s home.
13. At night, before they go to sleep, the wedded couple, helped by family members, will now open the many gifts received, and read the cards sent by well-wishers and friends.
14. After a hard and tiring day, the wedded couple will then go to their gaily decorated bedroom and proceed to sleep soundly at night.

Related blog entries about Malay Wedding

• The wedding Part 1 – The ROMM Interview
• The wedding Part 2 – The Marriage Guidance Course
• The wedding Part 3 – The Solemnization
• The wedding Part 4 – The Wedding Dinner
• Part 5 – Ever wondered why there are loud drumming out your window on Sundays?